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Dear Lesbo Launders,
my favorite thing while being with my lover is neck kissing. Two girls kissing looks to me like the hottest thing on earth. And I really don't need to take it any further. However, after a while she complains because she wants to take it up a notch and I refuse. I am starting to think we are not really compatible lovers.—kissing cutie
Dear Kissing Cutie,
well, you and her are probably in agreement that you aren't compatible! She, naturally, wants to be able to have an orgasm and give them to you as well, as part of making love is sharing this moment with your lover. You, are happy with only kissing. There is nothing wrong with this, but you will probably be lonely.
First, from the tone of your letter, you sound quite young. Maybe, you are just simply not ready for the next step. You can ask your lover to understand, but you can't ask her to stick around. If she leaves you, you should not blame her—she is acting as most people would, even kind caring people would.
Now, if you are young, maybe you are just experimenting with girls. And kissing girls is nice—better than kissing boys, with our soft lips and stubble free cheeks. But if you are unable to take it any further, it is probably because you are overwhelmed by guilt. While kissing is fun and like a game, if you have lesbian sex you need to own up to the fact that you like girls. And if you like girls, you then have to deal with issues of establishing your lesbian identity. So by only kissing, you avoid all of the pain and agony of being lesbian. Only kissing, no real relationship = no girl to bring home to mom and dad, no coming out of the closet. By doing no more than kissing, you do not need to grow.
Also, you need to ask yourself: are you really attracted to women? Maybe you aren't a lesbian, after all. If you don't like the more intimate parts of the female body, then you really don't like women. So, let's try a little experiment. Watch some of the fabulous porn on this site, pinkisbeautiful.com, and pay attention to your reactions. Are you turned on? Does your breath become shorter, do you masturbate?
Now, watch some (good) heterosexual porn. Are you more turned on or less? The results may surprise you!
However you feel, you need to get more in touch with your own body. I suggest a lot of masturbation, and paying attention to the fantasies that pop into your head. Are they of women or of men? What happens in your fantasies? Do you really only think of kissing when you touch yourself?
If after trying these methods you still feel reluctant for genital to genital contact, you should seek out a good therapist who can help you look into possible past trauma. Sex, in all of its forms, is a natural and beautiful part of life, and you shouldn't miss out on it!
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