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Dear LL,
I turned lesbian after a few failed experiences with boyfriends. Had this been not the case I am not sure what gender I would have preferred for my most intimate encounters. But now, I do feel the love of a woman as well as the touch from someone who understands my body as I do, can't be replaced. Why do I still have feelings that I am doing something wrong? -Second Guessing Sapphic Sister
Dear Lez-guesser,
Hmm, you turned lesbian? Meaning you made a choice instead of being lead by your heart? Now, before you all begin to laugh at me, I am convinced that on of the side effects of a more open society, which is a good thing, is that some people might become "gay" who are actually straight. One reason might be not having good experiences with the opposite sex, general rebellion, or political reasons—as in, I'm not an oppressed white boy because I'm GAY god damn it! David Bowie famously said that he was a closet heterosexual during the 70s. And I know of many women, who sick of men, decide to give women a try. But they often don't turn lesbian.
So I want you to start keeping track of your dreams. Who do you meet when you close your eyes to sleep? Are they men, women, or both? In other words, don't think about who you are attracted to, but rather, who do you fall in love with. And don't forget, maybe you are bi-sexual. While bi-sexuals often get teased for not being able to make up their minds, I believe that many of them just are more open to falling in love with the person instead of with the gender. Or they have the need to experience two types of love. But this is different from being a heterosexual woman who thinks Cameron Diaz is hot and wouldn't mind kissing her. That is just being open minded.
And now lets talk about your lifestyle. If live openly as a lesbian, chances are all of your friends are lesbians and you only go to lesbian circles, and yes, you are right to assume that if you do stop being lesbian that they will leave you. Is this what is possibly scaring you? Loosing your friends? It will hurt at first but you will get over it with time.
Maybe your feelings of guilt are just that: guilt at living outside of society's norms (especially if you come from a religious background). I hope I'm not the first to tell you this, but society sucks! Just about everything you do can be criticized by somebody, and you need to learn to listen only to your own heart. Hell, if you decided not to have sex you're a prude and too much and you're a slut. Tell them to shut up.
I don't think I can give you any quick fixes, other than to advise you to go to therapy and work out the issues of guilt and attraction that you are feeling. You need to separate your fear of the unknown with what loving who you are. -Lesbo Launders
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