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Dear Lesbo Launders,
I am young and I am lesbian. I liked girls for a long time but I haven't acted out. My main concerns are my parents and my close circle. Could you please recommend how to go about it since I just met a girl I would really love to have sex with?
-In the walk in closet
Dear Closeted Lez,
You seem to be confusing two issues: getting your grove on with the object of your desires and coming out of the closet. As many closeted gay people will tell you (well, they actually WON'T tell you because they are in the closet) is that you can have a very active sex life without anyone ever knowing. However, this is likely to cause emotional drain, as you will be keeping a big part of your identity secret. You might even get involved with men to cover this up, creating a sticky situation for all involved.
You haven't told me your age, so I'm guessing you are still in high school. If that is the case, it might be best to wait until you leave home. Now, that might contradict what I just said, but there is a good reason for this: you are still financially dependent on your parents. If they kick you out of the house, or refuse to pay for college, your life could become a bad soap opera, complete with scrounging for food on the street. Yikes!
The best course of action is to wait until you get to college, and as soon as you get there, join one of the many gay clubs. They will help you meet other young lesbians and get the support you need. And you can then slowly break the news to your parents. Also, your close circle of friends will have likely matured and be more understanding (if you don't ditch them all together when you go to college). Many lesbians form friendships mainly with other lesbians, and this might happen to you too.
When you tell your parents you should be prepared for an angry reaction. Luckily, this often passes. When you tell them you should have the number of the local PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) to give them. This way they can talk to other parents who love and support their gay children. Be firm and tell them that you will still be able to have a family and give them grandchildren (whether you want to or not is not important—this is what parents fear most upon hearing that their children are gay).
You might also be pleasantly surprised: maybe your parents knew all along and were just waiting for you to figure it out! Now, let's talk about this girl you want to have sex with. Is she a lesbian or just a friend? If she is lesbo, go for it! If she is just a friend, try to pick up on clues. Ask her what she thinks of gay people, what kind of music she listens to...
But I must digress! Sometimes, even is she is not lesbo, you might be able to get with her. When I was very young I experimented with many of my friends. They did not grow up to be gay, but the mutual masturbation was actually no big deal. I wish you the best of luck and just remember: it really does get easier as you grow up! -Lesbo Launders
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