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Dear Lesbo Launders,
I am a woman, a lesbian and a feminist at heart but I can't help being the dominant person in a relationship. I like to wear strapons and fuck all my lovers hard. Is it ok to be this aggressive in a relationship between women or should I behave in a more polyanna fashion? My current lover loves to be subdued and she makes me feel almost like a man.- Domina_in_disguise. Columbus, OH
Dear Domina,
I spend a lot of time reading letters like this and have concluded that society just loves to keep women down. Even if women can accept that they are lesbians and come out of the closet, they feel guilty about some other activity that is not "natural" for women to do, like dominating. Well, using birth control, shaving and eating microwaved food is also not natural, so get over it!
Do you like dominating your partner and she loves it as well? And this is a problem? A problem is when your female partner wants to become a man and is into golden showers when all you want to do is take up knitting. I would say you have the good luck of finding someone with whom you are sexually compatible. Now, I have to ask you another question: is what is bothering you that you are hurting women or that you, a woman, is doing the dominating? If you don't like that you feel like you are dominating or that you feel like a "man" you need to accept that this is part of your personality, and probably one of the best parts: even if this side of you emerges only during sex-play, you are probably less likely to be taken advantage of then many other females.
In fact, I urge you to embrace this side of you. Why don't you role play a bit more with dressing up in masculine clothes (I'm not saying to dyke out, rather, put on a top hat or suit jacket in the bedroom) or have your lover blow your strap on before pounding her sweet pussy? Enjoying who you are is the fist step to accepting who you are: a strong, healthy woman with a touch of manliness. Yummy!
Now, if you feel like you might be experiencing pangs of guilt because you are hurting a woman (which goes against the most basic tenements of feminism, a philosophy to which you subscribe) then you have to redefine what you are doing. You aren't "subjugating" a woman, you are guiding her and providing her with an experience in a safe space that she feels is necessary to her emotional well-being.
And to bring out this aspect of the "play" in the "role-play" that you are doing with your lover, try switching up the roles, even only once in a while. Have her dominate you, even if you don't enjoy it and she doesn't as well, it will be healthy for the both of you to see what you do in bed as a performance and not take it so seriously.
LESBO LANDERS MAXIM: Dominate in the bedroom, try out your fantasies, but keep this aspect separate from your "waking" life. It is one thing to slap your lover's ass, and another thing to be an ass.
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