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Dear Lesbo Launders,
I am a student at a prestigious University and I have developed a crush on one of my (female) professors. I think she likes me too. We are always exchanging glances at each other during lectures, and we've gone out for coffee already. She is such a great woman... confident, smart and pretty sexy, and she's only like eight or ten years older than me. What should I do?
-Longing in Lecture
Dear Longing in Lecture,
don't do anything. She hasn't asked you out on a real date or called you at home. For all you know, she's a bit of a flirt who likes to take attractive young women out to coffee. Maybe she actually thinks you are also interesting and smart and just likes to get to know students outside of class. Perhaps she prefers to run to the bathroom afterwards and masturbate while fantasizing about sticking a dildo up your ass rather than risking her professional career by doing the nasty stuff with you. So for now, you should just hang tight and direct your amorous feelings elsewhere.
But if she does ask you out for something more than some innocent flirting, it is OK to proceed to the next level, as long as you proceed with caution. Despite what your dean and even your parents will tell you, there is nothing wrong with a student dating her teacher. Until about 20 years ago, this was a completely acceptable way of meeting one's mate. All of that talk about your teachers having power over you because she can grade your papers is complete bullshit. She, at the most, can fail you. This is unlikely to happen because if she did try to give you a bad grade, you could get someone else to grade it, which would not only improve your grade but would land her in hot water. You have the real power in this situation. With the market glutted with PhD's as tight as Al Gore's ass, one small complaint could ruin her chances of ever doing more than programming the auto-brew function at the capuccino machine at she local Starbucks.
Just recognize that you are probably at different stages of your life, so don't expect anything longterm to develop. And because many of her colleagues would disapprove, don't expect to become a big part of her life either. You two will probably end up going out to eat far away from campus to avoid detection. She will never be able to visit you in your dorm. Dates near her cold-water flat in will become more trouble than they are worth. While all of this secrecy will seem exciting at first, it could make you feel like she is ashamed of you after a while.
This relationship, despite all of the negatives, could end up being quite a wonderful experience. Ten years isn't a lot of difference in ages and it can work if you keep your expectations minimal. Just a thought to keep in the back of your mind: if she is such a great gal, why isn't she interested in girls her own age, more mature lesbians?
So, to sum up, keep going out with her for coffee. Maybe she will ask you out after the course finishes, the final grades mailed out. Maybe she will ask you out earlier. Mention to her (casually) that you are interested in women - bring up queer theory and see how she reacts. And if something develops, let her teach you many things but don't fall in love. I have a feeling this could be exciting, but not enduring. -Lesbo Launders
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