Dear Lesbo Launders,
I just started dating a butch lesbian, and she doesn't want me to touch her. How can I get her off? I find the whole situation confusing. -Reach out and touch me
Dear Reach out and touch me,
while women have the reputation of being more soft and caring than men, butch lesbians can be anything but. While they don't try to "be like a man" their external appearance as well as internal emotional make-up is often the opposite of what we think women should be. They tend to get off not by getting off, but by getting their lovers off. While this is good news for you (more pleasure for your body) it can actually be a little bit confusing...
The first thing you need to do is have a talk with your partner and begin to know what she likes and doesn't like. She probably has a set of rules, of parts of her body that you can touch and parts that you can't. She may allow you to touch her sexually after you have earned her trust and she is able to let her guard down.
One thing that she will probably enjoy is receiving oral sex from you, but with her wearing a strap-on dildo. By giving her head not only will you give her a wonderful mental sensation (and let us not forget that orgasms are a mental phenomena as much as a physical one) but also the pressure from the base of the dildo on her clitoris, combined with her being visually aroused may be enough to bring her to orgasm.
The majority of her pleasure will come from touching you and from seeing you get off. If you find this difficult, you might want to find another lover. But I suggest that you work on accepting pleasure and playing mentally with her -find ways to arouse her brain instead of her body. When you touch her, do so in a way that demonstrates that she is in control, that you are worshiping her body. Lower your gaze when you look at her. Kneel before her and kiss her feet.
You sound as if this is all new to you, so here are some definitions that will help you navigate the diverse world of lesbians:
Stone butch: is a lesbian who gets her pleasure from pleasing her partner. She does not like to be touched sexually.
A Pillow Queen: is someone who likes to be on the receiving end of sex. She likes to be pleasured and not reciprocate. Could this be you, touch me?
A soft butch: is a lesbian whose appearance is generally androgynous. She may dress and act in a masculine manner, but be soft and more feminine in the inside. Also, a soft butch can be someone who falls somewhere between butch and femme, but closer to the butch side.
While I don't like putting people in boxes, we need to accept what turns us on and be open with our partners about what we want and don't want. –Lesbo Launders