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Dear Lesbo Launders,
how can I pick up young lesbians? I am 35 but get really turned on by younger girls, but they seem to be uninterested in me. Help! -Lusting for Lesbian Lolita
Dear Lusting for Lesbian Lolita,
the way to seduce a young lesbian girl is not to appear hip and cool, espousing cool catch phrases like "yo, dat's da bomb" or "as if" (now, an aside: if you actually think these words are cool, you really are out of touch, and you'd better get "with it".) But, if you come off as too old, the girls will think of you as their mother. So you need to walk a fine line between being cool and by being the more mature woman, who can teach them what it means to be a good little lesbian apprentice.
First, lets look at your clothes. Don't try to dress young, but don't look dowdy either. Large jewelry, flowing elastic waist pants, while so lovely in the shop window scream "middle aged college professor." Get thee to a gym and incorporate some more flirty and fun fashions, but nothing to hip or stylish. Look at how Madonna dresses now—sexy but nothing too flashy. Even though she is older than you, let her be your guide. Hip without trying too hard.
And whatever you do, don't try too hard! You need to create an air of sexiness and security that brings the girls to you. You always need to be in the place of control, and make them work to get to you. Don't fawn over them, or you will just seem gross. Seem like you get young girls all the time, and they will seduce you, and think of you as the prize.
Don't call her too often or send text messages. Be aloof. Remember, you are older, you should have many important and exciting things to do! Unexpectedly leave town for a bit, show up unannounced. This attitude screams "I know who I am and what I want." And this is exactly what younger girls, who are in the moment of their lives of figuring out who they really are, are looking for in an older woman.
When you do finally get them into bed, do so without the aid of drugs or alcohol. The last thing you want is to get in trouble for something so silly! Make sure she is relaxed. She will feel intimidated when she thinks that you have been sexually active for so much longer than she has been. But assure her that she is very beautiful, and very frisky... but there are a few new techniques that she could learn. Remember, you have a responsibility to teach her how to fuck, and she is looking to you to do that.
Lesbo Launders rule: When seducing younger lesbians, play it cool but don't try to be cool!
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