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Dear LL,
for all lesbo goddess' sake, I swear I can cum quite quickly by rubbing my clit with a small vibrator-ring. But I really can't when my lover eats me out. She feels frustrated and I feel completely worked up to the point that I need to masturbate to release some tension. What should I tell her to change so that she can make me cum? -oral fixation
Dear Oral Fixation,
of course she feels frustrated, she can't get you off, and then after she tries her hardest you end up masturbating (in front of her? When she is in the bathroom? When she leaves?) in order to get off. So, no matter how hard she tries, you don't get your orgasm and she feels like she is a bad lover. Beyond the sex, I would say that if both of you don't change your attitudes, this relationship is headed for lesbian graveyard! Both of you need to open yourselves up to other sex acts that can get you off and make your lover feel good about herself again.
Before we discuss how to improve oral sex, a quick question: why do both of you expect that oral sex will give you an orgasm? While for many girls this is the easiest way to achieve the "big-O", it obviously isn't for you. And that is OK! There are many other ways to get off, such as you have mentioned, with a vibrator ring. Maybe you could cum as quickly with your lover manually stimulating you or by using a vibrator or dildo and use the oral sex as a "foreplay" to the stimulation you need to get off. Hell, I was once with a girl who only had orgasms when I sucked on her feet! And you know what I did? A lot of toe sucking!
Now, let's go a little deeper into your problem. I am suspecting that you can't have orgasms from oral sex for one of three reasons. The first, that your partner isn't performing in a way that you need in order to get off. The second is that you are not emotionally able to have orgasms with this lover. The third is that you masturbate too much with sex toys.
You need to talk with your lover about what she needs to do when she performs oral sex so that you can get off. Does she need to suck on the clit more? Use her hands while she uses her tongue? Is she doing it too roughly or too gently? Each girl is different and you need to use words to let her know how she can give you what you need. You can also mix oral sex with other types of activities: a few minutes of oral sex, and then switch to kissing, and then back to oral sex, repeat.
Now, are you able to have orgasms with other lovers but not with this girl during ANY activity? Could it be that you don't feel comfortable with her? Are you nervous around her or is she putting too much pressure on you to have an orgasm? Sometimes this passes the more time you spend with each other, sometimes it is a sign that you and her are not compatible. Try to relax and let your mind wander into fantasies (you can think about other girls if you want!) when she eats you out.
It is very important to vary your masturbation technique so that you can respond to various types of stimuli and not become "addicted" to one form of sexual stimulation. If you only use a vibrator to get off when you are by yourself, you will probably have a hard time reaching climax when you are being eaten out. Start using your hands, or other types of sex toys. There are even some that imitate the motion that the tongue makes during oral sex, so that you can "practice" cumming. –Lesbo Launders
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